This post has nothing to do with Friday the 13th...

Friday the 13th. Seems like an opportune day to break my blogging silence.

Here's one reason why I haven't been blogging as much:

I'm trying to learn this videography thing. I.e., I want to branch out and learn to creatively express myself in a different medium: short film. I have these funny little ideas inside my head, and when I try to express them on paper they take the form of a screenplay, as opposed to prose. I take that as a sign that maybe I should go beyond writing prose and journalistic stuff, that maybe I should try screenwriting too (as a hobby, that is).

Also, for some reason, writing alone can't seem to capture the flow of these stories moving inside my head. It feels as if I need to employ a richer, more graphic medium to be able to fully express these ideas. There's so much sound, movement, texture and visual details in them, and writing alone seems too austere a medium to fully capture those vibrant details. I take that as a sign that maybe I should dabble in multimedia too, so I can tell my stories in more than just words. Hence, my sudden interest in videography and filmmaking.

I have an ex-classmate from varsity who does photography and film (as a creative sideline to his corporate marketing job). I called him to ask if he'd help me out. Sure, I'd be happy to, he said. And so we hooked up, with the idea that he'd help me get started and point me to other resources so I could grow. But the more he mentors me, the clearer it becomes to me that this guy is a turd. He makes fun of my outdated gadgets, makes me feel stupid and ignorant, dominates the air time with his one-way communication with me, doesn't listen to my concerns, dismisses my feedback, hates my inquisitive acts. My, this guy expects me to be a fucking mute while he shows off his technical mastery. Definitely not the type who would encourage me to explore and come to my own. He just wants me to sit pretty while he masturbates his own ego.

So that's the situation I'm currently in. I'm graciously working my way OUT of this (un-)mentoring business with him.

This sticky situation also makes me think: Truly great mentors/teachers/leaders inspire and encourage their students/followers to explore, grow, and eventually branch out and come to their own. True leaders respect, and even nourish, the individuality and creativity of their followers, not suffocate them or crush their spirits. For somebody who's just starting out, it's difficult when you're being "mentored" by someone who derives pleasure in attacking your weaknesses, crippling you with self-doubt instead of guiding you until you're strong enough to stand/walk/run/soar on your own feet. There's a fine line between constructive and destructive criticism, you know.

I won't let that turd cripple me. There's absolutely no room in my life for anyone--anyone!--who dares to break me when I'm already vulnerable.

Anyone who's pursuing their dreams, attempting to blaze new trails, or just dares to be different/quirky, I have this to say: Realize that you're in a fragile state. Crafting your own niche in the world entails risking yourself out there. It takes more than just courage, strength and talent. It's just as important to surround yourself with people who truly respect and support you.



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Tags: :: a day in her life :: boys chocolate and lemonade :: career and (anti-)cubicle :: critical reflections :: drama and confrontations :: growing pains :: mad spirits and eerie voices :: media and pop culture :: postcolonial woman ::
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Good news, fellow insomniacs!

"Insomnia" by this artist

Apparently, there's a correlation between insomnia and creativity. A recent study suggests that "highly creative" children tend to show "signs of sleep disturbance." (Source: Healey and Runco 2006, "Could creativity be associated with insomnia?", Creative Research Journal.) Research on the correlation between sleeping habits and creativity is still skimpy, but it's not uncommon for people in primarily creative occupations--e.g., writers, designers, actors, musicians and many other artists--to be chronic insomniacs indeed. Good news is, some of their most inspired works/ideas tend to come in the wee hours of the night/morning when they can't sleep.

I guess that should make me feel good about--and somewhat justified for being--an insomniac. While the above-mentioned research is fraught with qualifiers (it's not considered overwhelmingly conclusive), the findings resonate with me, personally. Some of my most enlightened and creative moments happen between 1 and 4 am. Many nights I'd hop off my bed and sit at my desk to write or brainstorm ideas for the "next" day. That 1-to-4am block, to me, are my peak hours when I'm so high and ideas seem to flow effortlessly. I'm sure I'm not alone in this experience. I'd like to think that I'm not the lone sleep-deprived soul enjoying those hushful nights of intense "awakening."

But, but, BUT: as the article's author quotes,

In our sleep clinic we see lots of people who have insomnia and function at a high level. The only trouble is, they feel miserable during the day.

Touché.

...

Feature article on this topic written by Dennis Drabbelle for The Washington Post. Republished on The Vancouver Sun, March 24, 2007.


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Tags: :: ivory tower itches :: rants raves reviews ::
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Why We Fight (2005 documentary)

Sunday media consumption:

Saw the documentary Why We Fight on CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) last night. Wow. Provocative comments, graphic scenes, deep analyses. Very heavy and quite depressing, so watch it when you're not feeling so drained. But definitely highly recommended. We get a lot of hodgepodge news about the war in the mainstream media, so it helps to view an inquisitive, penetrating documentary like this. To me, it helps put some sense of meaning to this chaotic world we're now steeped in; ironically, it does this by disturbing some of our complacent assumptions about the war in Iraq (and Afghanistan...and Serbia...and Vietnam...and many other wars waged by/against US). This docu has triggered a lot of questions in my head, and I'm still processing it all and I'm still a tad confused... but it's the kind of confusion that I consider productive.

Here's a synopsis:

In his farewell (1961) speech, former US President Dwight D. Eisenhower warns: "In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist."

WHY WE FIGHT, the new film by Eugene Jarecki which won the Grand Jury Prize at the 2005 Sundance Film Festival, is an unflinching look at the anatomy of the American war machine, weaving unforgettable personal stories with commentary by a “who’s who” of military and beltway insiders. Featuring John McCain, William Kristol, Chalmers Johnson, Gore Vidal, Richard Perle and others, WHY WE FIGHT launches a bipartisan inquiry into the workings of the military industrial complex and the rise of the American Empire.

Inspired by Dwight Eisenhower’s legendary farewell speech (in which he coined the phrase “military industrial complex”), filmmaker Jarecki surveys the scorched landscape of a half-century’s military adventures, asking how – and telling why – a nation of, by, and for the people has become the savings-and-loan of a system whose survival depends on a state of constant war.

The film moves beyond the headlines of various American military operations to the deeper questions of why – why does America fight? What are the forces – political, economic, ideological – that drive us to fight against an ever-changing enemy?

“Frank Capra made a series of films during World War II called WHY WE FIGHT that explored America’s reasons for entering the war,” Jarecki notes. “Today, with our troops engaged in Iraq and elsewhere for reasons far less clear, I think it’s crucial to ask the questions: ‘Why are we doing what we are doing? What is it doing to others? And what is it doing to us?’”

-- from the film's official site (includes trailer/preview)
Also available: IMDb profile of the film (also includes trailers)

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Tags: :: critical reflections :: hodgepodge hippie :: ivory tower itches :: mad spirits and eerie voices :: media and pop culture :: postcolonial woman :: rants raves reviews ::
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Meditation, the Subconscious, and Why I Should Go Ahead and Dance.

Interrelated Streams of Messy, Messy Thought:

[Image source: here.]

(1)
It's amazing what quiet moments of reflection (meditation) can yield. You go through flashes of discovery, creativity, and conscious articulation of deeper thoughts and feelings.

The past weeks have been dented by pressure from different spheres of my life, punctuated by my intense bouts with moodiness and procrastination. I needed a break. I needed to withdraw from the chaotic world and crawl up in my own little quiet space and time, talking to no one except me and myself. I needed to feel grounded and serene again.

...
(2)
I hadn't exercised nor danced in a while, which might have partially caused my moodiness. Sometimes we get too embroiled in work we "have" to do; we forget to indulge in little pleasures and innate curiosities that remind us how much we love life.

Dancing is expensive, and I don't just mean that in terms of money, but of time and energy as well. As with any creative activity, dancing can be emotionally draining too. I have pretty much stopped it because I can't afford it, what with all my other priorities. But I do miss the form of expression that dancing allows. It has left a void in me that not even writing could satisfy.

From a career standpoint, it makes sense for me to keep writing and keep honing it. But what about dancing? Why would I invest any more time and effort into dancing? It's "just" a hobby. It doesn't have "practical" value. (Besides, I'm not even a good dancer. But that's not the point.)

...
(3)
So one night, while meditating in my bed, two seemingly distinct and incongruous spheres of my life -- work and hobby -- came together. I came to a resolution as to why I should go ahead and dance: my native curiosities (dancing included) are goal achieving. Just because I have to train myself to be more business savvy doesn't mean I should give up my creative touchy-feeliness.

Awareness of movement and bodily expression, plus the ability to evoke (intended) reactions from an audience, will help make me a better Media Coach in the future (should I choose to become one).

Dancing has already developed in me a nuanced eye for body language. That's important. If I am to eventually train executives to communicate their points persuasively to the public, for example, it helps to be able to teach them the finer points of body language too, right?

To add, dancing is performance. So is appearing before a cynical public to defend a contentious issue. That's performance, and with high stakes at that. You might say those two (dancing and PR) are apple and orange. Maybe, but also they're both fruit; i.e., they're both performances. And underlying every successful performance is the ability to find ways to tell your (side of the) story to your audience, and be powerfully convincing about it. Connection, baby, connection.

If you're not convinced by my argument above, think of it this way: dancing involves a certain level of competency in acting and projecting your presence on stage. Same thing can be said about, say, appearing on a live TV news show to answer tough questions from a reporter. Let's face it, we're living in a highly mediated culture where issues can be aired on some form of media. The more you know about acting and projection (among other things...oh, don't forget truthfulness and ethics...anyone?), the more comfortable you'll be when you're called to the task of facing your stakeholders.

...
(4)
What was my point again? Oh, this: It's important not to alienate myself from the things I enjoy, remote as they may seem from the hard-pressing realities of life.

Continuing to enjoy the activities I love will help me perform better in the other spheres of my life. Deprivation will only make me grumpier and unmotivated.

My hobbies and native curiosities are goal achieving. Apart from the joy I derive from them, they also help me develop skills that are transferable to other spheres of my life. The challenge is for me to recognize those skills and know how to deploy them under different contexts.

Engaging in "play" (hobbies, etc.) allows us to see "work" from a different perspective. While playing, even as the conscious part of the brain is engaged in playing, the subconscious mind is actively working towards creative solutions to nagging work problems.

In fact, that is why some of the most brilliant discoveries ever were made while the genius was relaxing after some intense work. Think Isaac Newton: he "discovered" gravity while resting under a tree, watching an apple fall to the ground.

Also, think about babies: play is the arena where they first learned about socializing, life, etc. It's also where they first learned to test their boundaries (e.g., their physical strength).

Play is crucial to growth and performance. Continuing to enjoy the activities I love will help me perform better in the other spheres of my life. Deprivation will only make me grumpier and unmotivated.

So what the heck, I'm a go ahead and dance. Kiss my shaking booty.

"Blonde pole dancer" :)
...

Tags: :: a day in her life :: allusions and metaphors :: career and (anti-)cubicle :: critical reflections :: ivory tower itches :: strange silly chick ::

TGIF!!!

Thought Spurts on a lazy Friday afternoon:

* Boyfriend will be here tomorrow morning (Saturday) until Wednesday. Oh baby, we are so going to have a post-Valentine lovefest. I'm so excited, I'm ready to jump out of my skin!!!

Incidentally, our (long-distance) conversations lately have been deliciously naughty. Sweet!

Okay, so preparations in order:
Sexy red lingerie? Check. V-day gift for him? Half-check. Recipe for dinner? Check. Liquid melty chocolate? Check. Exfoliated, smooth glowing skin? Check. Sultry make-out music? Check, check, check. Raunchy movies? Check. Some weed? Check.

...I better shut up at this point. My mind's in horny mode right now; I just don't think it's appropriate for me to further give too much info. I'm sure you couldn't care less. =)

On to the next topic / Back to geekeries:
* You know how I've been preoccupied lately about my career goals and the future, yada yada? Well, the reason is that never in the past had I really given much thought about the future.

But now that I'm out of school and wanting to move up to a high-power job, I'm starting to appreciate the importance of goal setting, because up until lately I had no career or life goals. Up until this point I was just living on a day-to-day basis, no sense of direction. Over-educated, Under-stimulated. It was quite horrible. It's scary once you realize you're not getting any younger and that your silly, carefree ways are not as cute as they used to be.

I'm used to living in the moment, being silly, procrastinating, making mistakes, testing boundaries, enjoying life (yes, even my nerdiness is enjoyment for me). Throughout my school life (and early career years) I just kinda trusted that things would work out well, and that I didn't have to plan. (Come to think of it, life is too fun to have it rigidly planned out! Planning sometimes takes away the sense of adventure.)

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, now I'm finally excited about the future again because I can see it more clearly. I'm actually excited to wake up each morning, unlike before when every day felt like drudgery. At least now I have something to look forward to. I can actually visualize who and what I aspire to be--and I don't just mean that in terms of career (although career is a major part of my dreams--a successful career gives you bragging rights a sense of pride, you know). At the end of the day, I want to feel like I've lived and loved and felt happy. I want to feel like I've contributed something noble to the world. I don't want to grow old feeling like I've wasted my life in aimless fashion. I'll continue having fun, but this time I want a sense of purpose and direction.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I now have goals and a life mission. The best part is, I now actually know how to get there. I have a plan--a legit one! Doesn't involve stealing somebody else's ideas or sabotaging their projects. (...Hah, just kidding. I would never steal or sabotage just to get ahead. I'm a smart independent gal, for Buddha's sake! No need to commit a crime. =))


Next stream of thought:
* I miss school. I really do. In two years or so I'd like to go back to do a Master's degree (an MA or an MBA, or both). My boyfriend agrees and supports it (after all, he's a nerd. The cute and stylish kind of nerd, not the yucky stereotype).

I've been window-shopping for prospect schools for quite some time now, and I must say, I'm really impressed with some of 'em. I like how some universities have come up with really innovative graduate programs that combine on-site residencies and distance learning. Students won't have to stop working for two straight years as they complete their graduate studies.


("Geeks Anonymous" from phdcomics.com)


* Speaking of graduate school, why would anyone want to complete a Ph.D.? I don't quite get it. You spend five more years of your life in school doing rigorous academic work, spending xx thousand dollars... then what?

("Why are we doing this?" from phdcomics.com)

Just curious. My boyfriend's doing his Ph.D., and I don't understand why. Then again, as long as he's happy and he loves what he does...

I can't wait to see him.

...

Ph.D. = "Piled Higher and Deeper"
from phdcomics.com

A late greeting, but...

Happy Lovin' (and Anti-Lovin'), Bloggers!

Feeling alienated?

"Life is hard, and then you die."
~Woody Allen

Conclusion: Enjoy life. =)



Humans have a higher nature which...includes the need for meaningful work, for responsibility, for creativeness, for being fair and just, for doing what is worthwhile and for preferring to do it well.

~Abraham Maslow
(that dude you faintly remember from your psychology or business class =))


*RELATED POST (maybe): Generation X by Coupland

"Creative Collaboration" article excerpts

I looooved Cultural Studies as an undergraduate student. Now that I'm at a stage where I have to figure out how to convert my nerdy passions into "bread and butter" (or in my case, rice, cuz I'm Asian), I've developed an interest in organizational culture. I find that many of the rhetorical stuff I learned concerning culture, politics, society, blah blah, are applicable in the business environment. I just have to develop a stronger nose for business, then combine it with my humanist (idealist?) background to develop insights that utilize "the best of both worlds," so to speak.

(I did major in business, by the way, but dropped out of it because my interest in humanities and social sciences was too strong to ignore. Besides, I didn't like my classmates in business school. And yeah, I sucked in Accounting. There, I said it.)

Anyway, here are excerpts from an excellent article, a case study about company cultures, published in a trade magazine. The article's title is "Unleashing the Power of Creative Collaboration: A Look at Three Real-World Stories About Human Potential." Here's the author.

Communicators are helping people interact and connect with each other. They have, in a literal sense, become architects. They are using their expertise to not only design events and speeches...but also to help design office environments that encourage collaboration.

...

Success in today's global economy boils down to the single, universally recognized objective of getting more for less--with one exception: human resources. Human labor is not a disposable commodity. It is a unique creative resource for the future of the organization.

...

We're not talking about money now. We're talking about liberating untapped potential, about energizing employees and engaging their commitment and enthusiasm.

Give people a chance to grow and they will blossom. Entrust them with greater authority and they will take on greater responsibility. Educate them to understand the changing business dynamics and they will make excellent business decisions. Encourage them to collaborate and they will amaze you with their inventiveness.

If you're further interested in this article (for educational, non-commercial purposes), I can lend you a copy (as long as copyright geeks won't sue me for it). Just leave a comment or contact me.

How good "Aha!" feels!

You know how good it feels when you reach a "Eureka" ("Aha!") moment of enlightenment?

A couple of nights ago, I was reading my back issues (from as far back as 2003!) of subscription to a trade magazine. In an old issue, I read this case study of something. And then all of a sudden, that moment of "ting!" (sound of a bell ring), as though I were in a comic strip and a bulb lit up above my head.

My heart started beating faster. Ideas raced wild inside my head; I could hardly contain my thoughts (and the delight that accompanied them). I shivered a bit; my hands and feet felt cold. In that serene yet ungodly hour of the stark night (or morning), I let out a crazy laugh. It was like cerebral orgasm. It was a moment of intense satisfaction. I was so inspired. I kissed that page of the magazine. I said to myself, "Yes! This is what I want to do!"

Since then, I've been waking up each morning with extra energy, a fierce fire in my belly, a warm glow to my soul, a peaceful clarity of mind. I can feel my mind, body and spirit coming together as a strong, coherent whole. My vision is clear and almost everything in my life feels right. All of a sudden, all my regrets and moments of shame--the seemingly unbearable mistakes from the past and all--fell in a proper place, like necessary pieces to a tricky puzzle. I can now see the bigger picture, and I like what I'm seeing. I've found my calling once again! What an incredible time to be young and mature and alive!

I love my life!

...
* Image Source and Credit: "Joy," found here.
* What is a "Eureka moment," you wonder? Here's a funny story behind it. Archimedes is said to have "coined" the famous word, usually uttered in flashes of discovery and inspiration.

Welcome, 2007!

Happy New Year, Everyone!

To welcome a new year of blogging, I'm announcing my new, repurposed blog: From Hippie to Yuppie (formerly called "Books + Worms + Isms"). I'm expanding it to house not just my "literary geekeries" (book-related rants and reviews), but also my career-related musings. I find it necessary to do this as I make a full transition from a New-Agey, Left-leaning Ivory Tower spoiled brat into a career-oriented young professional. It should be interesting as I graduate from the lofty world of Social and Critical Theory and now face the realities of "making a living" as I further integrate myself into the corporate world to pursue my career.

From learning to be literate to learning to be corporate. Damn, I have an interesting year ahead of me. Wishing you one, too! =)

For the uninitiated:
* A "yuppie" is a young urban professional. (details)
* And what's a hippie, you ask? Here.
(I'm a "hodgepodge hippie," by the way. =) I've appropriated and do live so many of the liberal ethos, politics and styles associated with The '60s Counterculture.)